Today is the day that we expected to have a newborn infant cradled in our arms. Yet, there were other plans in store for our family. It was a happy day on Easter of 2012. We found out we were pregnant with our second child! I had had "that" feeling that I was, so I tested early. We proceeded to enjoy life and look forward to our future. At six weeks we saw a healthy heartbeat and felt confident. That first glimpse of new life is always exciting and reassuring that everything is going as it should! A couple weeks after that excitement, our vision of what we "thought" would be, changed in an instant. We learned our sweet baby no longer had a heartbeat. The life was so precious, so sweet, so loved, so short! There was no explanation for why this happened, so we grieved our loss, and had to move on with the hope that a different future with another child was in store for us. Let me tell you, this was a grief I have never felt. I had no idea how attached I already was to this child, the idea of it all.
Getting back to normal was HARD and PAINFUL. It took all that I had to wake up and go to work, to smile, to do everyday normal things. It was the help of our dear friends (the church body) that helped us. well me, get out of the darkness. We are so thankful for their support. As I returned to work, a dear coworker of mine said that my pain and struggles would one day lead into a ministry to help someone who would suffer the same kind of loss.
He comforts us when we are suffering,
so that we can share that same comfort with others who are suffering.
2 Corinthians 1:4
Not more than two weeks later, I learned a close friend of mine had lost her pregnancy. My first response was complete anger, but then immediate compassion. When she was ready, we hung out and talked, and we helped each other heal. We tried to find hope. As time passed, I prayed to be happy for others welcoming newborns into their lives. I prayed to have a happy heart for them. It was difficult.
I knew a big part in my healing would be to become pregnant again. We were so blessed to have that happen pretty quickly! I am now 18 weeks along! The beginning of this journey was terrifying!! I was so scared I would have a repeat. Unfortunately, a medical person read some test results wrong, and I had a very short lived 12 hour scare that it WOULD repeat. I tell you, my heart sank even deeper this time around. I had NO idea how to move forward. Luckily, the results were so wrong! For the first trimester I fought living in fear. I prayed and searched scripture for encouraging words of HOPE. I did not want fear controlling me, yet it was so hard to let go and rejoice that another life was created! With some searching, I came to the conclusion that the only thing I should do is just HOPE and be THANKFUL and WAIT.
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks always in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18
Today I am so blessed to have a beautiful life, to have my husband, to have my Evie, to my baby growing strong inside of me, to feel baby kicks! Time does heal, but we will always remember that precious life we had for a glimpse of an eye! We will celebrate this new life that is waiting to debut in May 2013. For this we are glad. We are thankful.
To bring life full circle, our dear friends are receiving two babies TODAY as their first foster care placement. What a great day to remember.
